07 October 2018

this room.

hazed and browned
like some stinking
opium den.

inside that curling
smoke you hear a
sigh. a slithery
whisper.

the devil flashes
his smile. his sharpened
gleaming steel.

it slips between the ribs
and bites your lung.
you cough up your
wallet and blood.

your teeth rust.
tarry air seeps from
your nostrils.
your heart hardly
beats anymore.

the sunlight slows
and your eyes dim.
it’s just
a little salt water.
there, in the corner.
you’ve learned to climb those branches
surprised at your own sprightly agility

higher and higher you go.

all those watching
are now impressed

higher and higher you go.

they will love you
as long as you keep climbing
they will adore you

ahh but when you falter
and fall
when your mangled claw
loosens it’s grip
when the boughs
give and break

your abrupt dissent will be
considered a betrayal
something
done unto them
undeserving of such a thing

you’ll meet scorn face to face
bewildered and crestfallen
but unsurprised

this reeked of inevitability
from the start
gripping the throat
a trembled hand

teaching you a
lesson. is this the
way it ought to be?

your brave face
going dark,
those eyes fill
with blood.

this is stupid.

without a point.
with no end.

something always
gives. at this moment
your windpipe

yielding.
my hand is a mangled claw.
healing? sure. but
most definitely mangled.
i haven’t put out new music
in over two years.
should this matter?
to the world at large,
it is a resounding no.
but my soul,
my soul depends on it.
my soul
anemic and weakened
staggers around the
corners of my memory.
i try to nourish it.
to feed it
what i can but
it’s been war
for a long time and new
horrors have arisen.
i ration out my beleaguered
heart to it. my soul can’t
hold it down and vomits
out the gruel. i hold its
sick head in my hands
i whisper words of encouragement,
i tell it things will be
alright, as bombs go off
in my head and
the rafters come down.
it is fevered and coughing,
i clean it up as best
i can and put on
my bravest face.
i don’t want to spook
my soul. i let it rest.
i let it cry. i let it be.

and now I have my hand
to clean.
my heart has always
harbored a darkness
i leaned into it often

the inky black
velvety with ache
it was a way to be
the only way
i understood

to gain a comfort
in that pitch
a price had to be paid

it was paid
and even though
i don’t think of it
too much anymore
regret browns the edges
as it perpetually looms
in the periphery

waiting