we are
the eaters of bees
with our
swollen guts and
distended bowels,
strung out
on the sweetness
we search
for the adjuvant,
the honey,
for the miracle
of healing
and wellness.
we are
the bee eaters,
belligerent and
entitled.
in our ignorance,
for that sweet
elixir is not
found in the
belly of the bee
but rather
elsewhere.

i think my biggest problem
is envy. it is a stink
not easily gotten rid of.
it is petty and shitty
and ugly to look at.
it infects with an
overwhelming urge to
ignore it and deny
its foul presence
but it's there
poisoning the water
in my wishing well.

from here
i can see
for miles
and miles.
the rumpled
landscape
blown away
to dust
at the edges
and the days
seem to be all
short of
breath.
the ache
of the trees
and the birds
rattling through
my bones
and i pull
the dusky shroud
over my head
and around
my shoulders.
you look bemused
as you watch
me clamber up
those shorn hills
in search of
forgiveness.

and you smile
lightly, knowingly.
your heart ebbing
because every time
it is the same,
at first
the pain is
unbearable
and you are
convinced that
you will not
survive it.
that it is
an impossibility.
but then you
start to
crave it
and then
you start to
inflict
it.

i awake,
my blood
coagulated
and thick,
ebbs through
constricted
capillaries in
sluggish waves.

the chill creeps
its way along
the furs
and blankets
searching for
exposed flesh
to touch
or maybe
kill.

the light
in its recent
but perpetual
dimness struggles
through and into
the tented
dwelling,
and outside the
beasts gather.

with hoof
and horn
claw and
fang

i am no longer
welcome here.
my actions,
our actions,
have forced them
and the only gift
they offer
is vengeance.

motionless i wait,
my bleared sight
focused on upward,
into the thin light.
my hearing almost
useless barley
aware of their
panting.
my flesh
only knows
the frost.

i lay and
wait for
the generosity
of their gift.

the western wind
soft upon the beating
wing. whispers in
the plumage.
'forth, forth,
against me
you must glide.
i am the lift required
for the distance
you must travel.'
and as if by
instinct or some
unknown but felt
truth we tilt our
secondaries into
the whispering and
move toward the
gloaming distance.

the slow
and fragile
gliding
of this
parabolic arc
the humming
of the fast wing
a wavering heart
napping in
the numinous soil,
dreaming amidst
the whispering
of worms
and other soft
hissing noises.

the king is dead!!
has been
for a fortnight
probably longer.
but we ignore that
inconvenient fact and
stalwart our praise
of him against such
detractors as ourselves.

for to admit
and accept
that fact of demise
is to surrender
and retreat
into and with defeat.
and realize that we
are the captains
of our pain.

adrift with no anchor,
or hope, or wind
in our sail.
this sea
pitiless, deep,
and cold, and dark
beneath our
rotting plank.
patient and bottomless.